No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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