I cockslap morals
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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