I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
