First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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