I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
