Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
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