Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize