how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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