at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
The air was thick with penises
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
