You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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