She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize