Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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