woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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