someone threw a dead crab at me
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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