whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
