Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
