i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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