he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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