I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
