Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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