remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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