im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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