just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
