he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
