So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
