i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
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