put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
