I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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