and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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