Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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