my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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