ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
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