i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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