Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
