So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
