whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
