You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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