You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
