Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
