Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
