Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
