Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
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