I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
