The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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