You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
