mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
