I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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