It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize