I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
