shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Come share oat with me in your robe
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
