Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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