Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
