When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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