just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
