U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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