I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
