Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
