# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
