Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
