That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
