Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
