He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
