I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
