I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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