I can text with my tongue
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
