I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
You dont lie about slip and slides
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
