just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
