the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
