If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
