He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
