whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
