I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
