so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize