The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
