he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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