using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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