I will die if light touches me.
Life is so much better after having sex.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Randomize
