i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
false alarm. still invincible.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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