So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
No subtext here. People are naked.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
