I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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